Threesomes with married man

My husband and I started having a threesome with a male friend of ours about 3 years ago. It unfortunately ended up ending his marriage. Although the split was amicable, I feel partly responsible for this. Since the beginning of this year he has been living alone, and sharing the parenting week-on, week-off of his only child. He has just started dating a single mother and I, once finding out about this, ended the threesome.

He was quite prepared to continue with the threesome until such time as he started a sexual relationship with his new girlfriend. I was not and felt he was using me. I now feel I have strong feelings for him and this is causing problems with my relationship with my husband. I have asked my husband to come with me to seek help from a counsellor, but he is reluctant. I can't stop thinking about the other guy. He has been very honest and said he does not want a relationship with me, because of the fact that I have three children to my husband and he does not want to ruin the family situation we have. Please can you help me with advice on what I can do to get over this fellow?

A. Threesomes can work very well for some people; for others, it can ruin lives and relationships, as you have seen first-hand. The most important factor is honesty - everyone needs to be clear on their own individual motives and not expect more from the exercise than is promised. You have broken this cardinal rule by falling for the other guy. I agree with you that he was rather cynical in wanting to continue the threesome until he began having sex with his new girlfriend. Imagine if she ever found out about it!

You were right to cut him off but now, you're left with these residual feelings. Okay, this is what you need to do - search your heart and ask your inner self what you really feel for this man - is it love, lust or possessiveness? Maybe you just don't want him to move on which is understandable. Be very clear with yourself. You'd be amazed how often what passes for love is really illusion.

Don't risk what you have for what you'd like to have.







Body Talk Column is hosted by Charmaine Saunders. www.charmainesaunders.comSend your requests to femail@femail.com.au attention Charmaine.