Mutural Empowerment

Mutural Empowerment: PART ONE

I normally don't go in for that Chicken Soup for the Loser rubbish. I'm not the one to create my own path by visualizing a better future for me. I'm the type who prefers to blame women for the fact that I've had nothing to look forward to on a Saturday since Gladiators was taken off the air.

It's so much easier to hold women responsible for my extinct love life because they have more layers than an onions and are harder to get into than a coconut, however Men Are From Mars, Women are from Venus would say I have to embody my own destiny by feeling the fear and fanning the flames of danger, that it's time to step out of the comfort zone and into the action zone.

So I decided that to break the shackles of single life I needed to look to the empowerment guru of the new millennium. Dr Phil, the most confident bald man on T.V.

According to his website, If what you're doing isn't working, change it. Do something different. Don't be someone you're not, but have a broad range of who you are.

So it's that simple, I have to change what I'm doing, which is nothing, and act like the broad range of people that I am. Clear as liquid dirt.

One of the many ranges of who I am is a person who would love to be able to phone someone up out of the blue and ask them to dinner. I decided to follow the Doctor's advice.

On a previous week at a pub I met a girl who also happened to know a friend of mine called Mutual. I decided to phone her, sweep her off her feet. Send flowers but not too many because Rosie King warns that you don't want to set a high standard of romance that you can't follow up on, then live happily ever after.
I contacted Mutual. Maybe Dr. Phil is right I told him, acknowledging my inner self and acting differently was going to make for great dinner party conversation in years to come.

"So how did you two meet?"
"Oh, well Matt decided to empower the broad range of self's, and change what wasn't working."
That sounds much better, than
"Ah, we both knew Mutual."

As I was pitching this idea to Mutual, in the hopes of getting that life changing phone number, he told me that she had an empowerment already, in the form of a wedding ring.

I cancelled my subscription to the Oprah mailing list, and ripped up the quote above my computer about going to the mountain not bringing the mountain to you. What was I doing wrong?

I was fast approaching 21, and suddenly I had to start looking out for wedding bands? I don't even know which hand you wear a wedding ring on. Suddenly any woman wearing a ring was out of my reach. Great! By listening to Dr. Phil I had practically ruined any chance of a relationship.

I was just about to email Dr. Phil, when I stumbled across fantastic advice, Change your internal dialogue - what you're telling yourself in real time. You may be programming yourself for failure with negative thoughts. For example, if while you're waiting for a blind date to show up, you're telling yourself that you're a "freak magnet," you're starting off with a negative internal message.

That was it, why didn't I figure it out before? I had to reprogram the little freak magnet inside my head, forget about the married girl after all it's her fault she got married so young. I wasn't going to give out negative internal messages anymore; I was going to go on a blind date! Now I just had to find one...

To Be Continued...


- Matt Simpson