Accepting CFS

After a year of constant frustration I had been diagnosed with CFS. This had to be the biggest challenge yet! How had I gone from being a healthy energetic person to sleeping sixteen hours a day and feeling constantly like I'd just run a marathon?

My physical body had shut down. It was alarming and frightening and hard to understand. I felt pain, loss and anger.

There were days when walking to the letterbox was exhausting. Picking up the phone became too heavy and washing my hair was a nightmare. Things that were automatic to me in the past were now not possible.

I saw numerous doctors until I found a doctor who finally understood my illness and sent me to a CFS specialist. I was counting on answers; I just needed to understand this illness.

A detailed history was taken and a thorough examination was carried out. I hadn't realised how weak I actually was. Such a simple task such as standing on my tiptoes was a struggle and took several attempts to try and get my balance. Rest and patience he advised, not exactly what I wanted to hear.

The doctors didn't have the answers and neither did I. I couldn't accept that my life had changed; I wouldn't accept this illness. For days I just cried. I was angry and frustrated. I just wanted to blame someone, anything!

I explained to family and friends CFS was like having an incurable hangover or feeling like you've just climbed the highest mountain. But no one could understand. To everyone I looked my normal self but I was suffering on the inside. I was fighting the illness day by day and my bed had become my best friend.

I was very emotional for quite some time, I just wanted my life back and to be normal once again. I had to accept this illness; it wasn't going away!

I began my own research, searching through papers, books, and journals, anything I could find. But the more I searched the more confused I became. Everyone had an opinion, different theories, and treatments. I was overloaded, and it wore me out.

I developed a new interest through meditation, something I would never have tried before. But through the meditation I learnt to become a positive person again, I became stronger, and not so emotional.

It was hard accepting CFS but I believe it is the first step to recovery. It is a life changing experience and I have had to make the sacrifices. Everyday is a challenge but I am determined to succeed.

CFS has been a learning curve, crippling the body, but strengthening the mind. If there is one thing I have come to understand from this terrible experience, it is you can never take your health for granted!

- S.C.