Stamping Out Bad Behaviour in Public Places

Stamping Out Bad Behaviour in Public Places

When your child behaves badly in public you might feel that everyone is looking at you and you want to hide because nobody understands what you are going through.

Laura Kilm has spoken with many parents who have experienced bad behaviour from their children when they take them out, so you are not alone.

Why do children save their worst behaviour for public places?
Laura Kiln: Children's behaviour seems to get worse in public places for a variety of reasons. It may well be that the adults get too involved with their shopping list, or are too busy chatting to their friend during a meal out, that they fail to notice their quiet well-behaved child. When this happens the child simply thinks to himself, 'I will misbehave and then she will notice me'.

Children learn from a very early age that often the best way to get an immediate reaction from Mum or Dad is to do something naughty - think how often we say to our children, "no, don't do that". Parents who pay attention to bad behaviour, whilst ignoring the good behaviour, teach their children that bad behaviour earns them more of a pay off.

Another reason children behave badly in public places is they are bored of shopping or meeting a friend of Mummy's for morning tea. It is unrealistic to expect a four-year-old to remain quiet and focused during a two-hour shopping trip around the sales, or even a quick hour for a coffee and gossip!

This teaches the child that public tantrums end with them getting what they wanted so as to avoid a fuss. Shops are full of temptations for children and a ready audience to make their parents feel guilty or judged. Therefore, they will do it next time they are out. Children are very fast learners!


What can I do to help my child learn to behave in shops?

Laura Kiln: Preparation work is needed when taking kids to the supermarket. You need to think about you plans, is it just the supermarket or do you need to go the bank as well? How long have you been out? Are the kids hungry, thirsty, do they need a nap?

Supermarkets are designed for children; you have your sugar cereals at their hand and eye level and the healthier cereals are above, it is the same with lollies.

Shopping is tricky, think of the time and what you are shopping for. If you have one or more pre-school children try this: take your children shopping and let them carry a basket. Say "We are only getting six things" and let them have three things in their basket each. Choose bread and maybe their yoghurts- don't take them down the chips or lolly isle. Use positive reinforcement continually say what a help they are being, how well-behaved they are being and then if let them know if they behave they will be rewarded with a piece of fruit, or a fruit smoothie. The baskets work as they have to be carried with two hands and they get heavy quickly. Normally if you only have six items you can be quick and go through the express lane of the checkout. This is great as you can increase the items and time at the supermarket as you go. It also works as the kids are happy- they have been rewarded and they feel like they helped out. It is important to say to Dad or Grandma when they go home, "the kids were so great at the store today, they helped me so much!"

If you have older children you can use a reward system also, try a token system. You can say at the beginning of the trip "if you can give me six tokens at the end of the supermarket trip you can have a reward". Then with every isle that you walk up and down, if the children behave and help they receive a token. They need to have six to receive a reward which can be a banana, apple, magazine- but not a bag of chips.

Another good tip is to keep them amused- as you walk in an isle look ahead and say "can you walk to the end and get me the Cornflakes and bring them back and put them in the trolley?" Whilst doing this you have use positive reinforcement continually say "well done, you have been a big help!"


Laura Kiln(PgDip (CBT) (Child & Adolescence), BSc (Hons), RN, RM, RHV, NP, MHN) has more than 20 years experience in working with children, adolescents and their families and she is recognised internationally as an expert in the field of parenting.

Laura lives and works on the NSW Central Coast after moving to Australia from the UK, where she worked in London at the Institute of Psychiatry and the National Specialist Centre for Child and Adolescent Mental Health.

Having four children herself, Laura understands the demands and dramas of raising a family! Laura established STAMP OUT to help parents and children. She uses a variety of techniques, including cognitive behavioural therapy, workshops, groups and individual sessions, in a comfortable relaxed environment where kids and/or their parents can discuss problems away from the stigma that can be attached to seeking help.

For more information about STAMP OUT, visit www.stampout.com.au