Bump and Grind

Bump and Grind

The A-Z Survival Guide For When You're Trying to Get Pregnant and Sick and Tired of Being Told to RELAX!

It is estimated that one in six couples face difficulty conceiving. For these couples, the 'Trying To Conceive (TTC)' phase can be an extremely frustrating time full of unanswered questions - Is it you? Is it me? Is it all in my head?

To the rescue of women who are sleeping with their legs in the air, bulk-buying pregnancy tests online and gnashing their teeth through baby showers… is Genevieve Morton - a freelance journalist so determined to have a baby and tired of hearing the word 'Relax!', she wrote the A - Z survival guide so every woman trying to get pregnant wouldn't feel as lost, lonely and confused as she was.

In a new guide aptly entitled Bump & Grind: The A-Z Survival Guide For When You're Trying to Get Pregnant and Sick and Tired of Being Told to RELAX!, Genevieve chronicles what it's REALLY LIKE when you're 'TTC' - the pain, the loneliness, the panic and the utter ridiculousness of just how far we'll go for a positive pregnancy test!

"Some women - I call them Smug Fertility Goddesses - seem to get pregnant after sniffing their husband's dirty socks, and then go on to brag about it", Genevieve says.
"Others get pregnant after a few well-timed trysts on holiday. The rest of us have to work at it, and do I mean work. Along with charting our temperature, observing our cervical mucus and nagging our partners about their tight undies and fourth beer, there is the emotional rollercoaster of TTC which no book I've read can prepare you for."
"TTC is hard and lonely work. Most of us don't share our efforts because we don't want to jinx our luck. After spending so many lunch hours in the 'family' aisle at bookshops only to leave feeling scared, alone, desperate and old, I decided to write Bump & Grind - a book incorporating all of the vital baby-making information such as pinpointing ovulation and fertility-friendly foods with the heartbreaking but sometimes hilarious emotional and social aspects of TTC that not many women confess out loud."
"I want this book to be your friend - something that you can curl up with in bed that will make you smile, laugh and realise you're not alone, and of course, help you get pregnant!"

A is for another one!
It seems the minute you decide to have a baby one of your friends will pop out of nowhere excitedly panting 'I. Am. With. Child.' It can be annoying. Especially when you're dealing with a Smug Fertility Goddess who can be heard bragging that her husband 'just brushed past' her in the hallway and now she's pregnant while you've been body slamming your husband so keenly you could hold your own in a mosh pit.

Few things are more upsetting to the TTC community than news that another one of our friends, a celebrity and the lady who makes our coffee on the way to work are knocked up, up the duff, sprogged up, pregnant. It's almost impossible not to feel frustrated you're not popping the folic acid yourself and sharing your own happy news.

The really big question we ask ourselves when we're TTC is 'Why not me?' You've probably given up grog, taken your temperature so many times you can do it in your sleep and had sex so many times you probably are doing it in your sleep. So, how come all the grind and no baby bump? Then there are the niggly, negative thoughts we have about ourselves when we ask 'Why not me?' Is it because I'm in my mid-thirties? Or is it because I'm no longer 'relaxed' about this? (Grrr!)

Storm out?
If the news Another One is expecting turns you into a blubbering mess or makes you gnash your teeth so hard your husband can hear you from the barbecue outside, you might want to get out of there. Perhaps excuse yourself amid all the squealing over the mum-to-be and spend some time in the bathroom getting yourself together (or messing up her fancy soaps). In a quick poll of TTC friends, the second most irritating aspect of trying, closely trailing behind being told to 'relax', is when a friend goes from TTC to triumphant. The normal reaction is that of anger, jealousy and wanting to run a very, very long way away from her.

Genevieve Morton was a lifestyle reporter and columnist for The Mercury and Sunday Tasmanian newspapers for many years before becoming a full-time mum and freelance writer. A long time ago she thought baby making was fun, until she lost circulation in her feet from hanging upside down. She knows she's not alone.

Bump and Grind
Finch
Author: Genevieve Morton
ISBN: 978 192 1462 146

Price: $29.95

Interview with Genevieve Morton

Question: What originally inspired you to write Bump and Grind?

Genevieve Morton: When my husband and I were 'Trying To Conceive (TTC)' and having a hard time at it I kept finding myself at bookshops in the family aisle looking for a book that would make me feel less alone, less desperate and also help me cope with the emotional rollercoaster that TTC can be. I couldn't find one. I couldn't find a book that dealt with the everyday situations - like being insanely jealous of pregnant women, dealing with 'Smug Fertility Goddesses (SFGs)' who seemed to get pregnant after washing their husband's Speedos or coping with work when you have TTC on your mind 24/7. So I made a pact with myself to write a book that dealt with all these things in a compassionate, honest, grissly-bits-and-all kind of way. I wanted the next woman who was staring sadly at the family aisle to find the book, pick it up, feel less alone, stop being so hard on herself and have a bit of a giggle. Oh, and get pregnant!


Question: How did you dodge those annoying 'Are you pregnant yet?' conversations with nosy co-workers, so-called friends and relatives?

Genevieve Morton: I was painfully private when we were TTC and when people naturally asked, 'When are you two having a baby?' I would come up with infuriatingly vague responses like, 'Oh we're not really thinking about that yet" or "Soon, soon, maybe when we've renovated the house" or, if really pressed, 'I'm not really talking about the baby thing but I will let you know if and when we have good news'. Sensitive friends or relatives realise you're being vague on purpose and generally don't push you, clueless types will offer unsolicited advice like, 'well you just have to relax!' I think you just have to maintain your boundaries and always protect the most important person in the room - you. And if that means brushing people off about TTC then so be it.


Question: How did you deal with those 'Smug Fertility Goddesses' when you were TTC?

Genevieve Morton: SFGs used to drive me crazy and make me sad when we were TTC because it just seemed so unfair that some women could get pregnant so easily - and then brag about it in front of you, while so many of us were charting our thirties away with our legs in the air. Not fair! I was once at a baby shower and the mum-to-be said her husband "hit a six off the first ball" as in they got pregnant on their first try and I heard almost everyone in the room groan. It's not that we mind women who get pregnant easily (I call them Super Fertiles), it's the women who insensitively bang-on about it in front of their reproductively-challenged friends. SFGs are also the women who act as if their pregnancy is the only thing going on in the universe and they should be worshiped while coasting around on a lily pad. The best way to deal with the SFG in your life is to maintain healthy self esteem at all times and know that no picture is ever perfect and having a baby certainly doesn't "complete" a couple. I bet she envies areas of YOUR life.


Question: Can you give you provide your top tips to increase your fertility (male and female)?

Genevieve Morton:

FEMALE
1) Overhaul your lifestyle and start eating fertility super foods like eggs, oats, leafy greens, sunflower seeds. And cut right back on caffeine (no more than one espresso a day - max) and alcohol (no more than three glasses a week and not in one sitting).
2) Ask yourself how stressed you are and consider ways to minimise your stress - meditation, yoga, having more 'me time', cutting back on work, avoiding people who drag you into conflict. If it's TTC that's making you stressed then try to stop talking about it with your partner all the time, take a mini break away from your everyday TTC life and give yourself permission to stop over-obsessing during the 'Two Week Wait'.

3) Visit a naturopath to get the right supplements that suit your individual needs. A one-stop conception supplement is fine for lots of women, but if you have a deficiency it is important to get it rectified as it will really boost your fertility.

MALE
1) Stop smoking. Research shows men who smoke have lower sperm counts and motility than men who don't smoke. Plus, smoking also damages DNA.
2) Start taking liquid zinc to improve sperm quality, quantity and motility. You can buy it at health food shops and a little slug of it should be taken on it's own every day. Zinc and Vitamin C are the best boosters for sluggish sperm.
3) Keep cool. Throw out his tight little undies and encourage him to sleep in boxer shorts or (even better) his birthday suit. And try to keep him away from warm areas like spas and saunas and from using his laptop on his lap.


Question: Is there ever a good time to tell your boss you are trying to have a baby?

Genevieve Morton: The pros in telling your boss you are TTC is that he/she might be understanding if you need any time off for tests etc, especially if you go through IVF and you have to sneak away from work for scans etc.

The cons are that he/ she might pack you off to 'Mummyville' assuming you will be going on maternity leave soon enough. That might mean you miss a promotion or the projects you are interested in.

So, it all depends on your boss and their need to know. Plus, if you are a very private person, telling the boss and the thought of it getting around the office might add to the pressure.